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the revival
Monday, March 16, 2015 || 12:09 AM
7 months ago feels like an entire strange universe away... So many things have happened and now I really wish I'd taken the time to document it all down, rather than experiencing this disconcerting sensation of looking back and feeling like the past few months/years of my life have been so inconsequential that in retrospect nothing really jumps out at me ^^; Strange to think how if it were possible to document every thought every feeling every word spoken and heard in one's life, a single week could probably fill an entire library of annals but so little of it actually sticks. I guess it just makes me have kind of existential crisis-y thoughts of the point of living, the reason behind this intricately designed system of heart and brain and muscle within every single one of us that gives us these seemingly useless history of thoughts and actions. If we only retain 0.0001% of what we do/think/feel in our lives, then what is the point of the other 99.9999%?
Okay got a little carried away there hahaha crazy midnight thoughts I guess. But yes, the past few months and 2014 (and the first 2ish months of 2015 too actually) in general have passed by so insanely quickly. Mugging, A levels, graduation, uni apps, holidays, results... Odd to think how much time and effort I've put into some of these, and how little they matter to me now. I guess it's true what they say about the journey being more important than the endpoint; all these (getting through the crazy mugging and A levels in particular haha) have undoubtedly changed me in big and little ways and I don't think I am the same person I was when I first entered HC...and yet all these just seem so small. Maybe it's because at the moment I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the future more instead of reminiscing the past or reflecting, haha all the thinking hasn't been particularly productive though T.T
Towards the end of last year I was so convinced I wanted to go overseas to pursue my undergraduate studies. Strangely though once 2015 rolled around the prospect of studying locally began to appeal more and more to me, for reasons I haven't fully thought through yet (despite whatever's changed about me apparently I still go by my feelings a loooot more often than I go by structured logical thought haha eek). Maybe one big factor are my parents -- there's no hiding the impact of the years and I kind of don't want to spend too much time being so far away. Regardless...I'm thankful for this newfound appeal towards studying locally, it just means that either way it turns out I think I can find a way to be happy with where/how I spend my uni years :) Although the wanderlust and the tiny little adventurer in me is still screaming (albeit in more muted tones) for me to take out a student loan or something even if I don't get an overseas scholarship so that I can spend a few years studying abroad... ^^; Haha I guess we'll see how it turns out~
Okay all this thinking and typing has tired me T.T Or maybe it's just the hour T.T Either way I should stop haha and hopefully the next time I blog won't be when I've graduated uni ^^;