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Sunday, May 11, 2014 || 10:14 PM
"Sometimes, I wish I could remove my emotions on demand too, or lock them away, or simply ignore them. But don't apologise for having them - cos sometimes they simply exist. Once you recognise that they are real, then you can go about dealing with them and resolving them, instead of just attempting to bury them. Have faith okay? Things will get better, and what is it you're missing? Is it impossible to find something better that will make you happy or happier, something maybe without the toxic part? You never know, because you never expected to find him either, right? Someone else might come along the same way.
The main thing is that there are things you've gained from this experience. I hope you learn to treat yourself better, have standards, respect yourself, or learn from whatever mistakes you feel you've made, ones only you will know about. Because you really deserve that much - you're a wonderful person who deserves love. Maybe this one just wasn't right, or it was for a while, and it ran its course. But I'm sure you've learned more about yourself too, and from now on, you will go into things with wider eyes. I think there will come a point when you can let go of the associated hurt, and hold on to what you can be grateful for. And then you'll be thankful for this time, whether for the happy memories, or for the lessons.
Continue doing things for yourself, like running and talking to friends, loving your parents, and even studying. So proud of you for being so strong. Seriously, what is there you cannot overcome? The days when you don't feel as confident come... and they go. Keep doing things, and keep verbalising how you feel! Always reach out when you feel like closing up, so you don't get trapped in the cloud of dark thoughts."
Personal reminder. Sigh so thankful for the existence of friends <3 Thank you for those who've been there for me this past week, I don't know what I would've done without you :)