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that's why I hold with all I have
Wednesday, May 29, 2013 || 4:53 PM
Warning: Confusing/emo post ahead!!!Proceed with extreme caution ><
I've always been the kind of person to hide any negative emotions I'm experiencing from the people around me, and only those I'm really really close to can tell the difference between my real and looks-real-but-am-actually-feeling-like-utter-crap smiles/expressions >< Haha so I guess I'm pretty much an expert at hiding my feelings, and that's always been the way I deal with negative things happening to me when I'm in public- I pretend it doesn't matter to me even if the thought of it is constantly stuck in my head, until I get on the bus or home which is when I start to think through everything, sort out my emotions and put whatever happened into perspective. I don't know if it's a good way to deal with problems; some of my close friends in the past have told me that what I do is hypocritical, since what I actually express outwardly is at times the total opposite of what I'm actually feeling, but I guess I'm just not someone who's comfortable with expressing any negative feelings I might have? I mean it's not rare for friends to see me cry (lol biggest crybaby in the world here) but I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the people who've actually seen me expressing hurt, anger, disappointment or jealousy ._.
Haha ok anyway I was planning to blog about something else but got carried away >< So today something pretty upsetting happened, and right after it occurred I prepared myself to feel like complete crap and think about the shit that happened for the entire day, but to my pleasant surprise this wasn't the case c: So I guess that just got me thinking: I used to be one of the biggest overthinkers I know (...the extent to which I morphed my primary/secondary school crushes' actions and words at the time make me cringe so bad .___.'') but I think I've changed quite a bit in the past year or two- now I'd rather let things go and let life run its course instead of overthinking every single thing that happens in my life! Holding grudges was something that I used to do all the time when I was younger, but I guess as I grew up I just realised the utter futility of holding all that resentment and vengeance close to my heart- all I was doing was hurting myself and making myself view the world in a far more negative manner than it should be seen, and even if I did "take my revenge" on whoever I was pissed off at, how does that make me a better person? Cliched as it may be, as the old adage goes, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind: even if someone who did something not very nice to me received their comeuppance, why on earth should it bring me pleasure that someone was hurt?
So yeah anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is we have to learn to let go of our negative emotions and not dwell on things people/life do to us, however bad or unfair they may be ^^ Good things will come in time and until then, just live life the way we want to live it! I guess my 'bear-no-grudges' life policy has made me someone who forgives really easily, and I'm not dumb, I know there are people who have or will take advantage of me and maybe hurt me a lot in the process, but I'm not going to change the way I want to live just for them- the most important thing's to live your life for yourself and no one else, no? c:
...oh man really didn't intend for this post to end up sounding so serious and emo >< Wonder if I should just not post this up :x Bleh anyway yeah I don't know if this post has made anyone change their impression of me or gain a better insight on the way my brain works (if you have please enlighten me ;_;) but heh I'm glad I got that out of my system ^^
and there will come a time you'll see with no more tears
and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair