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all i hear are angels crying, oh won't they just sing instead?
Tuesday, February 5, 2013 || 10:33 PM
Ahh warning: this post is going to be rather emo and depressing so if you're feeling high now I suggest you refrain from reading it cos I'll probably just bring your mood down >< Sigh don't know what suddenly happened to me man, was still feeling perfectly good during OG dinner but my mood somehow changed drastically by the time I came home, to the extent that my mum's noticed and attempted to ask me four (and counting) times what happened to make me look so down (meh I really do wear my heart on my sleeve don't I .__.) :/ Maybe that's what a long bus ride with nothing but my own thoughts for company does to me D:
Sigh anyway, it's times like these when I'm really glad I have God to turn to :( (disclaimer: gonna talk about religion in the upcoming part so skip the italicized bits if you think you're gonna be offended k ><) Sometimes I wonder if I believe in God just because He's a kind of constant in my life, someone I can turn to and take refuge in whenever I need to. I know this isn't exactly how a Catholic should view God, but I don't know, I think what I treasure the most about being of this religion is this ability to confide everything to Him without any fear of judgement :/ There are times when I don't feel very comfortable pouring my heart out to even my bestest friends, not because I don't trust them or anything like that but because I just feel bad dumping my emotional baggage on them :( So it's especially during these times when God becomes so important to me, because without Him I don't think I'd have gotten through some of the most trying periods of my life.
Also randomly thought of one of the questions I came across while choosing challenges for the 30-day thing: what do you feel is the worst emotion of all?I didn't really know how to answer this at first because there were just so many possibilities that I was considering, but after my long thinking session I think disappointment is my answer :/ To me it emcompasses practically all the bad emotions that I really hate feeling, like sadness, anger, jealousy, self-doubt, etc :( Sigh which is why I don't like getting my hopes up for even the most promising of possibilities, because if it gets shot down then I'll just feel a lot worse than if I wasn't expecting anything in the first place :(
...wow okay still don't know what actually made my mood go down so much even after blogging long ass paragraphs o.o Sigh I really don't know what I was thinking about omg this is frustrating D: Great load off my chest though, I think I'm gonna regret posting this in the morning but I doubt I would've been able to sleep with my head weighed down with such heavy thoughts :/ If you've read through this entire post gahhh I'm sorry you really didn't deserve all the negativity ><
Oh yeah please don't take this post as a reflection on how I feel about orientation so far!!!Besides tonight's random bout of emoness the past two days have been great :DDD Ok need to go get some sleep now good night :)
mungkin aku meminta terlalu banyak, mengingati semua yang saya sudah memiliki...tetapi sungguh berharap bahwa suatu hari aku akan cukup beruntung untuk mendapati itu :/