? I don't think anyone's pissed at/hurt by me at this point of time...or at least I hope so? If I have done something to offend or hurt you, please do tell me!! I can be painfully oblivious to other's feelings sometimes, sadly. :(
Oh dear, I'm getting worse and worse at this challenge xD
---
Ahhhh I've been having this sudden urge to go to the beach!!!!! :) :) I really really want to feel the sand and stand at the edge of the sea and feel the sand being dragged away by the water under my feet and feel the heat of the sun mingled with the chilly wind in my face and omg I really want to sit down by the sea and watch as the sun sets!!! :')
Can't wait for the 2-and-a-half-day NDP break!!! :D
Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good
-For Good, Wicked
you said move on, where do i go?
Friday, July 29, 2011 || 6:17 PM
Today was a pretty shitty day overall. Okay, maybe I'm not being fair, PE was really fun and I really really like playing volleyball! :D (despite sucking a lot at it...) Yeah but that was pretty much the only bright spot of my day. The rest of the time I just felt really moody, annoyed and depressed :( Seriously I think this is my first time ever feeling so damn URGH in school!! So basically the whole day I just walked around morosely thinking about how the world sucks and how much I'd like to be home NOW.Emo music was playing in my head all day long too. -_-
But then towards the end of the day on the way to Bio prac I suddenly met a lot of my friends, and being one who doesn't believe in pulling others' moods down along with my own (I hope I managed to not affect anyone's moods? :/), I smiled and said hi and it somehow made my day a lot a lot better!! :) Haha I guess all those Internet articles are true after all, I could literally feel myself feeling happier and happier as I started to smile at more people! :D And now I'm at home and I'm feeling really happy! :D HAHA.Oh dearie me how do my moods change so quickly? xD
So, am I happy or sad? GRAH I DON'T KNOW :( Dang you, stupid mood-changing hormones!!To sum up my whole day,I shall include the choruses of the two songs that replayed a lot in my head today! (:
Happy portion of day
You make me smile like the sun, fall outta bed Sing like a bird, dizzy in my head Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe Shine like gold, buzz like a bee Just the thought of you can drive me wild Oh, you make me smile
-Smile, Uncle Kracker
Sad and emo portion of day
Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you Thinking of you, what you would do if You were the one who was spending the night Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
-Thinking of You, Katy Perry
Haha omg my blog's becoming the medium through which I rant about my life xD I guess that's okay with me, I can look back on all these posts when I'm old and wrinkly and reminisce about the past :D
Okay,bye!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011 || 10:04 PM
Symphony of silver tears, Sing to me and soothe the ring in my ears, Overcast, these gloomy nights wear on, But I'm holding fast because it's darkest just before the dawn.
I sang my princess fast asleep, 'Cause she was my dream come true, Oh Annmarie, believe me, I loved you.
But now those lonely lullabies, Just dampen my tired eyes, Because I can't forget you. Because I can't forget you.
I'll dissolve when the rain pours in, When the nightmares take me, I will scream with the howling wind, 'Cause it's a bitter world and I'd rather dream.
Dizzy love turned a star lily pink, And hung above our lids too flushed to blink, But icy blue froze the fairytale cold, Though I treasured you and you sparkled with someone to hold.
-Lonely Lullaby, Owl City
"Remember me? I'll never forget you."
Thank you, Adam Young, you amazing, wonderful man!! :')
Wednesday, July 27, 2011 || 9:05 PM
What is up with me these past few days?! D: I don't know... I've been feeling so unhappy! :( :( Grahhh,snap out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss my old self :(
i can't fight this feeling anymore
Tuesday, July 26, 2011 || 9:42 PM
WARNING: extremely ranty and PMS-y post coming up! You have been warned!!
Sigh. School seems to be a repeated cycle of dreading the coming tests and blastings from disappointed teachers, in addition to constant pressure coming from being in an SY class (as my teachers never fail to remind us) and being expected to always have the best results compared to the entire cohort. I'm increasingly disliking the stiff competition among my classmates -- the kiasu studying 10 million days before the tests, the feverish scribbling of notes so as to not lose out to anyone else in the class, the dreaded marks-passing-around-the-class time when you know everyone else is poring over everyone's marks to see where they are standing. It's not necessarily a bad thing, of course, competition, and this will prepare me for the dog-eat-dog working life later on, but grah I really can't stand it :( :( I suppose I could just ignore all these people, but it isn't as easy as it sounds when I'm surrounded by them 3/4 of my waking hours. I am starting to become more and more competitive academics-wise, whether it is through influence or my own personal... defense mechanism??
Anyway. All I look forward to in school now are level recesses, Tuesdays and Thursdays for FDC and RC meetings, and weekends. The proclaimed "best years of my life" shouldn't be spent like this, surely? I really do want to devote more time to my own passions and interests, but it is getting so very hard to set aside time :(
i'm glad you came
Monday, July 25, 2011 || 10:24 PM
Day 12 - The person you hate the most/caused you a lot of pain
Oh dear.I don't like hate :( (lol oxymoron!! :D ...kay never mind...) I don't think I've ever hated anyone in my life so far, although I have disliked someone very very much, and I really can't recall anyone who's caused me a lot of pain :/ Meh I have such a horrendous memory xD But I guess that's okay in this case, who wants to dig up bad memories and old grudges? (: Better to bury the hatchet and face the world with a smile!!!! :D (oh dear lawd why am I so cheesy tonight?)
---
I'm looking forward to...something. I don't know what exactly I'm looking forward to, but it's...something!! There's that familiar sense of excitement and anticipation, and I can't seem to sit still! Oh geez what if I'm going crazy? D: Grahhh.Okay this has been a really fumbly, rambly and nonsensical post, so I should probably go sleep now -_- Goodnight! (:
|| 6:54 PM
Why does the ache deepen as the days go by? :( I guess the saying that things have to get worse before they get better applies to feelings,too.
Just finished writing my unseen prose essay for Lit!Ah it all sounds so superficial and meaningless :(
Went to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve this morning with Kimberly, Josephine and Zheng Yi to work on the Geog PT (: Haha I really need to build my stamina man, I was panting like mad after walking a few steps up the super steep slope! xD Haha yeah anyway, it was pretty fun! :D
Events from yesterday have been playing in my head the whole morning! :) :) :) Of course, they weren't all happy memories, but being the slightly (okay maybe very) RC-obsessed person I am they all make me have an amazingly warm and fuzzy feeling inside :) :) :) I don't want to get out of this Red Cross-induced euphoria, but unfortunately there's still studies to worry about :( :( Sigh.
Back to reality, then!
all i said was hello
Saturday, July 23, 2011 || 8:36 PM
I didn't know I had such a huge emotional capacity until today! -_- In the span of about 2 hours, I've managed to feel nostalgic, sad, relieved, happy, shocked, honoured and panicked xD Aww but I really do wanna hug all my juniors, they've all done so so so well and I'm brimming with pride of every single one of them :) :) If any of you are reading this, don't be sad okay!!!Be happy that you've done your best, and don't have any regrets!!"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." ;)
And of course,ULP is officially over!I don't think that fact has really sunk in yet, not really, and when it does it'll take a hell lot of time for me to get over moping around and missing it :'( It really has been one of the best experiences of my life, and being a ridiculously sentimental person, I'll hold on to the memories like a drowning man does for air for a really really long time!!So just ignore me if you see me walking around morosely in school :P And I really was completely stunned when I found out I'd gotten a lanyard, I had complete confidence that Nicole/Nicolette would get one, but I didn't expect it for myself at all! So yeah, that was a really nice feeling :) :) :) Feel so very honoured!
Back to homeworks/block tests/lessons then. :/ "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live in it." So true!
my universe will never be the same
Friday, July 22, 2011 || 7:32 PM
Turn the lights out now,
Now I'll take you by the hand,
Hand you another drink,
Drink it if you can.
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came.
-Glad You Came, The Wanted
Haha omg I love this part of the song!!!!!The last word on each line is the first word of the next line! xD Super cool man!!!! :D :D :D
Haha yeah anyway!!!It's ULP POC and CAC finals tomorrow!!!!! :D Nervous for the latter on behalf of my juniors!I have full confidence that they will all do their best though! :) :) :) I think I won't get to see them, which is a real pity :( :(
Okay I shall go do my uniform now!Bye (:
and i hate that i let you down
Thursday, July 21, 2011 || 7:37 PM
So happy that all the tests this week are over!!!! :D :D I really hate tests on Fridays, they make me worry for the whole week and by the time it ends I'll have to start studying for the next week's tests already... -_-
Haha yeah anyway!Red Cross meeting today was fun! (: I think my CAC juniors improved a lot,and I know they'll put in their best,so I'll be proud of them regardless of whether or not they win the competition!!!! :D SCRCY ftw!!!!!!!!! <3
NDP training was pretty cool too,but I'm still really scared that I'll screw up on the day itself!Especially since I'm in the flag party and doing all the flag drills :/ Shall just hope for the best!
Day 11 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Hello cece (: Wow it's been a long time!I don't remember much of you since you passed away when I was pretty young,but I do remember spending a huge amount of time with you whenever I got the chance to visit your hometown!!I really really miss you, and I hope that you are happy and in eternal rest in Heaven (:
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called Tomorrow.
just grin and bear it a while
Saturday, July 16, 2011 || 8:20 PM
I'd rather waltz than just walk through the forest
The trees keep the tempo and they swing in time
A quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus
If I were to pluck on your heartstrings would you strum on mine?
-Plant Life, Owl City
Adam Young's music never fails to make even the worst day so much better! (: (:
this could be the end of everything
Friday, July 15, 2011 || 11:06 PM
Listening to Somewhere Only We Know really makes me feel like crying :'( Now, in addition to the immensely touching Klaine scene from Glee, I also associate this song with POC, which quadruples the emotional factor of the song for me!!! :/
Haha anyway!!!Today was awesome!!! :D POC dinner was really really amazing/fun/epic albeit slightly tiring and stressful when I factor in the distribution of food and the paying of the bill!I think I prefer ION Swensens to the one in Plaza Sing, it feels homier somehow (: Haha so yeah basically had bunches of fun with my amazing levelmates, juniors and seniors!And the ex-NCOs' SCRCY jacket is so cool!!!!! *-*
I'm pretty tired now and I think I have a blocked/runny nose, so I shall go get some rest! :) Bye!
Day 10 - Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to
I can't really think of anyone right now :( I guess my best choice would be all my primary school friends, they were all super super fantabulastic friends to me, helping me to adjust to Singapore when I first moved in (haha I still remember Wanyi teaching me how to use all the slangs properly!) and making the last 3 years of my primary school life so very amazing (: I don't keep in close contact with many of them anymore, though, which is one of the reasons why I really treasure CGs when I can see and talk to them freely! (: Aww I miss DQPS :(
a quartet of crickets chime in for the chorus
Thursday, July 14, 2011 || 10:09 PM
-_- Just realized my blog's become extremely boring since I started the 31-day (or is it 30-day??) challenge D: Haha I'm starting to get bored of it but I shall see it through to the end!! >:) (and probably cause all my blogders to die of boredom in the process)
Chinese oral over and done with! :) Felt like a great big fat heavy weight had been lifted off me the moment I stepped out of the hall xD I think I did not bad overall,could definitely have done better though! I'm really really really grateful to my awesome awesome awesome Chinese teacher who's helped me so much and who is actually starting to make me like Chinese! :D Haha hopefully with her guidance I can continue with HCL next year...
POC dinner tomorrow :D :D :D So excited!!!!It'll be our last formal event with the ex-NCOs though :'( I'll miss them very very badly :( :( Oh oh oh and on another RC-related note,SCRCY managed to get in the finals for all three categories in CAC!!!!! :D :D :D :D So so so so happy for my juniors!!!!!! :) :) Even if they don't win anything, I'll still be infinitely proud of them, cos I believe that they would've done their very best!! (:
I somehow feel like I'm writing a personal recount of some sort -_- Haiya never mind.Okay bye! (:
party like it's not your birthday
Sunday, July 10, 2011 || 5:19 PM
Day 9 - Someone you wish you could meet
I really really want to meet Darren Criss because I really admire him and his really obvious passion for music!I also strongly support his stands on individualism, gay rights, etc, and respect him for his courage in taking on the role of a gay man in Glee when he knows he'll get a bunch of s**t for it (: Not to mention I love Glee and Blaine and Klaine and AVPM and AVPS and I want to thank him for bringing me so much joy in my life!!! :D :D
Of course, his supermegafoxyawesomehotness is a very good bonus ;)
There you go, a very shallow post by an obsessed fangirl :D
and i might drive myself insane
Saturday, July 9, 2011 || 9:03 PM
Day 8 - Your favourite internet friend
HAHAHA!!!!!I shall write to Xuan Yi! :P
Hey pal! :D You're a really really really really awesome person to chat with online!!! :D :D :D Hahahaha mainly because we're both stalkers and are the two hardcore RC HQ lovers in our level :P And we think alike for most issues!!!! :D :D Haha so yeah it's really fun to talk to you both on and offline! ;) ;) Kay bye :D
what kind of fool
Friday, July 8, 2011 || 6:06 PM
Day 7 - Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Haha errrr hi! :) (well this is awkward...) I think out of all the guys I've crushed on in my life so far, you're the one who actually managed to last as long as 1 and a half years before my interest fizzled out! xD We never did become anything more than good friends, which I really really resented then but for which I am pretty grateful now! :) It would've been horrible if a BGR ruined our friendship!You were a really awesome friend, and I miss you and your goofiness!! :D Hope to get a chance to talk to you again soon :)
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Arghhh both of my Maths are so screwed!!!!! -_- Chem was harder than normal but pretty manageable today,hopefully my marks won't drop again :( :( Or else my CA3 is screwed!!!!Chem and Combined Humans are my saving grace! D:
I'm itching for a level outing!I want to watch HP and the DH part 2 with my levelmates!!!! :D :D :D Can't wait for the movie to come out!!!Then I can watch all the Snape/Lily scenes and sob my heart out!!! :D :D
Haha okay never mind...bye!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011 || 9:58 PM
On a blogging/30-day challenge hiatus until the dang Chem block test on Friday is over ;_; I've only started studying today,wish me luck,I'll need it badly! :/
Tuesday, July 5, 2011 || 7:29 PM
Emo mood :( Sigh...
Ingatkah engkau kepada angin yang menghembus mesra?
Monday, July 4, 2011 || 8:29 PM
Selamat tinggal kasih, sampai kita jumpa lagi
Aku pergi takkan lama
Hanya sekejap saja ku akan kembali lagi Asalkan engkau tetap menanti
-Pergi Untuk Kembali, Ello
Haha listening to Indonesian ballads now after a certain request from Xuan Yi acted as a trigger for my childhood memories xD These ballads are so nice!!!!! (: It saddens me that I can't remember the meanings of some words anymore though :( I should listen to more songs to make sure I don't forget my "original" Mother Tongue! (:
the truth is i never left you
|| 4:24 PM
Day 6 - A stranger
Hello whoever-you-may-be! I hope you find joy and happiness in your life,and learn and grow through life's many experiences! May the good times in your life outweigh the bad (: All the best!
---
Tagged by Amanda Lee on Facebook!
1. In front of you, you see a number of insects.How many are there?
Three. 2. You were walking through the jungle when you saw something move past you. What (animal) is it?
Bear. 3. You're sitting on a chair about to cross your legs. Which side of your leg do you cross over? Left or right?
Right!
4. You're on a safari jeep driving through the Safari ranch, and you see a lion feeding on a dead animal carcass. How do you feel?
Awwww :( Poor animal! 5. When you usually pour a drink, up to which percentage of the cup do you pour?
Almost to the brim! 6. There are candles burning in front of you. How many candles are there?
Five. 7. A ship ready to take off by the harbor, makes a blasting horn sound. How long does it go on for?
10 seconds.
8. You went into a room and it's all white, how do you feel?
Calm and at peace. 9. You're walking through a desert, how many pairs of shoes would you take with you?
As many as possible xD 10. You feel like drinking hot chocolate, and you open the cupboard. How many cups are there?
Nine!!!! 11. A baby is crying, the doorbell's ringing and water is boiling on the stove. In what order would you resolve the situation?
Baby, doorbell, water. 12. You see an abandoned property (house). Is the door open or closed?
Closed. 13. You get on a plane for the first time. How do you feel during takeoff?
Scared/excited! 14. You design your own house and draw a house plan. In the living room, is the ceiling considerably high or low?
High.
15. You see an angel of death. He said that he'll give you one day to do whatever you want before he takes you to the afterlife. How would you spend the one last day on earth?
Spend time with family and friends (:
Answers: 1. The number of people who piss you off right now.
:O
2. How people see you.
HAHAHA I'm a bear?!?!?!Really?!??!
3. What you see in people. Left - appearance, right - personality
(:
4. The feeling after watching porn for the first time.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA LOL.
5. The level of your self-esteem.
Haha seriously? 6. The number of people you can love at the same time.
Wah five. xD I'm assuming this includes all types of love though (: 7. Average time you spend kissing.
-_- so long... 8. Feeling right before your death.
Yay (: 9. The number of relationships you will have before marriage.
As many as possible?!?!Oh dearie me. 10. The number of your TRUE friends.
Haha nine!I have awesome friends (: 11. What you value the most in the opposite sex. Water - wealth Baby –virtue Doorbell - appearance
Virtue, appearance, wealth (: Quite accurate I suppose. 12. The door represents your heart.
Closed... :'( 13. Feeling after 'first kiss'.
Haha cool. 14. The level of your pride.
I'm proud! :O Regarding certain things, I guess :D 15. What you want to do right now.
Yep yep (:
Soooo sleeeeepyyyyyy.
|| 10:36 AM
Goodbye may seem forever, farewell is like the end. But in my heart's a memory, and there you'll always be.
-Fox and the Hound, Goodbye May Seem Forever
on the waves of my dreams to another day
Sunday, July 3, 2011 || 1:36 PM
Day 5 - Your dreams
I'm really really really bad at remembering my dreams! -_- Wait do the 'dreams' refer to dreams as in sleep-dreams or what-I-want-to-be-in-the-future-dreams? Never mind I'll take it that it means the former :) I don't have a particularly good experience with dreams.At the current time I can only remember two dreams I've had recurringly -- one good, one bad.The bad one I've been having since I was pretty young, I think around P4 or maybe earlier?It's really really really really bad.It's horrible.I wake up tearing most of the time the dream comes back, and the surging relief is always good to feel when I realize it's just a dream. (: I don't think I'd like to reveal its exact contents, but it involves me losing some people I care for the most in the world.I don't know why my dreams are stuck on such morbid and depressing issues :( :( But my good dream is really good!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D The first time I had it was about the same time I had my bad dream!It involved many many people and things I love and as I grew and got new interests, passions, etc, the dream changed to include these things although the setting and storylines always manage to stay the same xD Am I the only one who has recurring dreams, by the way? -_- Haha oh dear this turned out to be a ranty bunch of words about my dreams instead of a letter to them :P Never mind!
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I'm suddenly addicted to Super Junior's It's You! xD Hahaha I think I'm a bit slow, the phase when people were obsessing over this song was over so long ago!But it's really really really nice!!! :D :D (Korean artists' fans please don't take offence at this next part,it's just my opinion! :)) I still don't get why so many people think the guys are hot though.I guess Korean guys just aren't my type :P
Okayyyy bye!
Saturday, July 2, 2011 || 11:09 PM
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words That you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your innovation
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten. -Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
we're headed for heart, heart, heartbreak
|| 9:48 PM
Day 4 - Your sibling
It feels weird to be writing to you when you're sitting just beside me! xD Anyway, you've been the most annoying, loud, stubborn, hot-headed person I've ever met in my life so far, but you are my little brother! (: I believe you've made me a more patient and cool-headed person (goodness knows what could've happened if both of us were born easily angered!), so thank you!!Yup I guess that's all I really wanted to say! (:
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Crushes and love are weird things,aren't they?I was scrolling through my FB news feed like the FB addict I am and I came across a certain primary school friend's status update.What surprised me wasn't his status though, but his profile picture, which was something that I might've expected from a stereotypical love-sick teenage girl, but which I definitely had not expected from the toughest and most bad-ass guy in my primary 6 class.During our recent P6 class gathering (I've never really gotten round to blogging about it, have I?-_-), he and his painfully obvious 4-year-long crush on my friend was constantly teased, providing bunches of entertainment for us but which I also thought was really sweet actually (: (his loyalty, not the teasing, I mean. -_-)
Yes anyway!!!I've seen quite a number of supposedly tough and rough guys turn into absolute softies when it comes to their special someones (: It's so sweet I get a toothache every time I come across such a case!!!! (: (: (: (: Teehee!
Sooo.ULP is over :'(((( I've experienced some pretty tough times which has made me upset/stressed/tired/annoyed, but after the end of it all I know I'll miss it terribly!! :( :( Haha okay that made me sound really sadistic but I guess what I'll miss about it is the numerous good parts in between the bad, and the people who make the bad parts so much better! (: Awww I'll miss A2 lots!!!!!!!!Hahahaha us and our weird craziness that sets in at random times xD
Okay I think I want to go rest for a bit now,bye! (:
the wind's blowing still and catching my doubts
Friday, July 1, 2011 || 10:45 PM
Day 3 - Your parents
I may not say it a lot,but I love you two very very much (: I don't think I would like my innermost feelings to be exposed on the Internet, so that shall suffice for now! :D
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Grahhhh last ULP contact session tomorrow.Time's passed so very fast! :( It seems just like yesterday when all three of us were in Nicole's parents' car before CS1, nervous and freaking out, and now our journey is 3/4 over...